The first time I dated two women at once, I was in college. We all lived in the same dorm, but the two girls weren’t friends. After a few weeks of feeling like a stud, I realized that (a) feeling like a stud was overrated, and (b) I had much stronger feelings towards one of the girls than the other. I broke up with one of them and for the next five months, I had my first “real” relationship.

The second time I dated two women at once, I was 24 and living in Los Angeles. One of the women was friends with a mutual friend; the other, I picked up at a bar. I knew they’d never know about each other, but all the phone calls, emails and dates quickly became too taxing for me. My charade lasted less than a month. I don’t think I dated for the two months after that.

I discovered the joys of online dating shortly thereafter. Things were never the same. The choices were tantalizing; the faces, fresh and new. The ability to contact (and keep at bay) multiple women was never easier. I found myself corresponding with ten women simultaneously, speaking on the phone to five, and going out with three with regularity.

Maybe I went overboard, but I now believe that dating multiple people (in moderation) is not inherently bad. It doesn’t make you a player, nor does it mean you’re a commitment-phobe. It means, in general, that you’re still not positive that your current relationships are going to turn serious. And who can blame a marriage-minded person for keeping his or her options open?

So if you’re anything like me, both excited and daunted by all the options presented by online dating, keep reading. Understanding the five techniques below will allow you to both conduct yourself with class and date multiple people successfully — until you decide to focus on one lucky person. Ready? Begin!

1. Don’t ask, don’t tell
The first rule of Fight Club is you don’t talk about Fight Club. The first rule of dating multiple people is you don’t talk about dating multiple people. It’s that simple. The very nature of online dating suggests that you’re corresponding with and/or seeing other people. That’s OK. We’re all adults here. While we embrace the concept of honesty, sometimes speaking your mind is actually detrimental. This is one of those times. It doesn’t matter if things are casual, if your date seems cool, or even if he or she has made it clear that you’re not the only one. Rise above the temptation, and keep your lip zipped.

2. Make each date feel special
Your primary job on a date — if you want to ensure a second date — is to make the person feel comfortable. People feel comfortable when you are “present” — smiling, asking questions, making eye contact. Problem is, it’s easy, when dating prolifically, to be less than fully engaged in each individual meeting. That’s no excuse. Just because you lined up a date for every night this week doesn’t mean that your date should pay the price. If you find that your attention’s drifting after your third chai latte coffee date of the day, you’re better off canceling and rescheduling than sitting across from a person who can detect your lack of interest.

3. Know that the rules change once you get physical
A date is only different than a friend at the end of the evening. And while a kiss is just a kiss, it does send the unmistakable message that more physical action may be in store. This is a good thing — a very good thing — but when you factor in multiple people, the situation gets a bit confusing. Suddenly, you’re seeing three great people at once, all of them are at the “Are we gonna sleep together or what?” phase, and you can already see how that’s ending badly. It may not always be realistic to date only one person at a time online, but it’s certainly reasonable to winnow things down to one person if sex is on the horizon.

4. Take your date’s relationship goals into account
Casual dating is fun, and sometimes that’s just what you need. But when feelings develop and you and your date aren’t on the same page, look out. You may be just trying to get out there and shake off your previous long-term relationship, but the people you’re dating may be investing in you emotionally — especially if you’ve gone out more than three times. Be attuned to the needs and long-term goals of your dates because, whether you want to or not, you have their hearts in your hands.

5. If your date asks, tell the truth
If the person you’re dating asks you if you’re seeing someone else, you have two choices: Be honest, or lie through your teeth. Stick with the former. It may be ideal for everyone to live by “Don’t ask, don’t tell,” but that’s not the way it works. Tell the truth, and give your date the option of acting according to accurate information, not the useful and charming illusion that you created. By living by the Golden Rule, you set a positive example and create a trust that strengthens your relationship if your partner decides to stick around.

Ever wonder what signals you and your date are sending with your body language? Of course, we all do! And that’s why we had this q&a with Dr. Lillian Glass, a renowned body language and communications guru, and a best-selling author. The goal: Helping our readers understand the unspoken signals your dates are sending—and more. Here, the key questions she answered, packed with advice for you to put to use in your love life.

Q: Why should we care about body language? Does it really make that much of a difference on dates?

Dr. Glass: We need body language because it doesn’t lie. It tells us the truth. So many people wonder “What happened in this relationship? I like the person. I thought they liked me,” but if you really looked at it objectively and analyzed what the person was doing during your interaction, you would see signs that indicate how he or she feels or doesn’t feel about you. Body language and facial expressions, tone of voice, speech patterns, and content are essential if you want to know where you stand with another person.

Q: What are the most common signals of attraction that people miss when they’re directed at them?

Dr. Glass: One of the most common is that people tend to compliment you when they’re attracted to you. Because we often aren’t good at receiving compliments, we slough it off rather than reading between the lines.

Q: So what are some negative signs to pay attention to?

Dr. Glass: If your date isn’t into you it’s easy to tell because they’ll lean away from you. They’ll look around the room. They won’t be that interested in what you’re saying. They won’t be that focused. They will have their feet and toes pointing in a different direction than in your direction. They may fidget a lot. And their facial expressions won’t have that bright sparkle that you see when somebody is attracted to you.

Q: What is the best way to approach a first date—handshake, casual hug, kiss on the cheek?

Dr. Glass: There’s no set rule, but most often the best way to greet someone is a warm smile and a handshake, and then you can develop from there.

Q: What signals does a man give off if he is only interested in you for sex, as opposed to if he is interested in being in a relationship with you?

Dr. Glass: If a man is interested in sex, he’ll start sex talk right away. He’ll start talking about it over the phone; he’ll ask what you’re wearing, intimate questions that are inappropriate for telephone talk. If you meet him in person and he’s just interested in you sexually, he’s going to have a whole different approach. He’s going to be touchy, trying to kiss you all the time and being inappropriately intimate when he doesn’t really know you yet.

Q: I am not comfortable crossing my legs. I tend to sit with my feet flat on the ground or with one leg tucked under me. I don’t mean this as a sign of anything; it’s just how I sit. Am I unconsciously sending negative signals?

Dr. Glass: You’re sending a signal that you’re real casual when you sit on your feet. But when you have your legs firmly planted on the ground you’re actually sending a good signal that you are open, communicative and ready to respond.

Q: I’ve emailed and talked on the phone with a lot of prospective dates but haven’t met them in person. Is there a way to tell by their tone of voice if they are interested in a first date?

Dr. Glass: Absolutely. If somebody speaks with a monotone or they’re abrupt, they may not be interested. Again, it’s a situation that’s very complicated because it’s not just the tone of voice, it’s what is said. If you’re meeting men over the phone but not connecting with them in terms of a date, maybe you’re giving off some vocal signals that you may not be receptive or responsive to meeting them. Why don’t you try suggesting that you meet for coffee, rather than waiting for the man to make the first move? Take a risk and see what happens.

Q: What kind of gesture would a woman give if she really likes you?

Dr. Glass: If she likes you she’s going to look at you. She’s most likely going to gaze into your eyes. She’s going to lean forward. She may touch your hand. She’ll smile a lot. She’ll ask you a lot of questions.

Q: What does it mean when someone looks down at the ground when they are talking to you? Are they too shy to look at you because they like you, or is it a negative sign?

Dr. Glass: It depends on the situation and on the person. If they continue to look down, there may be a big problem a) with their self-esteem or b) with their not being attracted to you. Eventually they should look at you, whether they’re shy or not. If not, it’s probably somebody who can’t face other people and has self-esteem issues.

Q: Is a movie a bad choice for a first date, since you don’t get to interact with the person or get a sense of their body language?

Dr. Glass: Actually, a movie may be a very good choice because after the movie you will have something to talk about—the movie, the characters, the philosophy behind the film. It may be a very good ice breaker. So make sure if you go to a movie, you also go out afterwards so you can discuss it and spend time with the person.

Q: What does it mean when your date is leaning towards you, yet telling you he wants to break up with you? What is the body language really saying?

Dr. Glass: When a person is leaning towards you telling you they want to break up with you, they’re trying to be intimate and block everyone out. They’re trying to let you know they want your full attention.

Q: Any ideas for a really shy person who is not used to dating?

Dr. Glass: Well, first of all, let’s talk about shyness. Anyone who is shy is selfish, and by that I mean thinking about him- or herself. Stop thinking about you and think about the other person. You’re so busy thinking about putting your foot in your mouth — or not putting your foot in your mouth — that you’re not being all that you can be. Try focusing on the other person. Look at them not as a person who’s criticizing you or judging you, but as someone who wants to get to know you.

Dr. Lillian Glass, Ph.D., is a licensed therapist, voice and body-language expert, and the best-selling author of Attracting Terrific People and He Says, She Says; I Know What You’re Thinking.