Sometimes, when the going gets tough, the tough get it on with someone else. But what really makes men stray? A nagging girlfriend? Bad sex? An escape from loneliness? Yes, yes and yes. Hear why these men slipped away from their girlfriends and landed in someone else’s bed. Then — whether you’re a guy or a girl — use the info below to sidestep this kind of situation in your love life. 

Reason #1: For payback
“I once cheated on my girlfriend after I saw on her cell phone that she had been text-messaging with her ex. They were pretty harmless messages, but it angered me that she had been communicating with him in the first place — I’d always thought they were a little too chummy. That night, I was out with friends and had a lot to drink. I got so worked up about those messages that I pretty much made it my mission to find another girl and hook up with her, which I did. I think it was a payback thing. We eventually broke up, but not because of that incident — I never told her — but more so because we just weren’t right for each other. I know it wasn’t the best way to handle my anger, but at the time, it sure did feel good.”
— Christopher, 29, Oakland, CA

Reason #2: The physical attraction just isn’t there
“Ever since I can remember, I have always been attracted to women with large chests. My ex-girlfriend was great in a lot of ways, but she was completely flat-chested, which did absolutely nothing to make me sexually attracted to her. I tried to look past it, but it was hard. About two months into our relationship, I was out with a bunch of friends at a sports bar, and our incredibly hot and ample-chested waitress was really hitting on me. She gave me her number and asked me if I wanted me to meet her after her shift was over. I agreed, and ended up sleeping with her. It was just a one night thing, but it helped me realize I needed to end things with my girlfriend, because I had to be with someone I was madly attracted to.”
— Dave, 26, Roanoke, VA 

Reason #3: She just isn’t there
“I cheated on my ex at a time when she was traveling so much that I never saw her. It was almost as if I didn’t have a girlfriend. I got so lonely — especially on the weekend nights, and I missed that companionship, both physically and emotionally. When she was gone, I began seeing someone else while I was still technically seeing my ex. I ended up telling my ex and she broke it off with me. In the end, I think things ended for the better, even though the steps I took to make it happen weren’t very honorable. I now make sure that whoever I choose to date doesn’t have a job that requires big-time traveling.”
— Scott, 30, Jessup, MD 

Reason #4: He thinks he’s missing out
“I had dated Melanie all through college ever since we met at orientation. After we graduated, I moved to New York and she moved to Chicago, but we decided we’d stay together. I spent nearly every weekend traveling to see her, but during the week, I’d go out with my friends in New York and have a blast. After a few months of that drill, I knew staying true to her would be tough; going out in the city made me realize how many smart, beautiful women are out there, and never having been with anyone other than Melanie made me feel like I was missing out on a lot of fun. One night I hooked up with another girl, which finally made me realize I had to end things with Melanie. I told her what happened, and, as it turned out, she had done the same thing a few times. While we were both hurt, we realized we needed to take some time off. We stayed friends, and still are today, even though we’re married to different people.”
— Tom, 35, New York, NY 

Reason #5: He’s moved on emotionally
“I met my ex in a Weight Watchers meeting, of all places. When we started dating, we were both about 50 pounds overweight. As the months went by, I took the program really seriously and quickly dropped weight. She didn’t adhere to the program, and her weight didn’t come off. After I lost the weight, I felt this new sense of confidence — women who had never spoken to me before began approaching me, and it felt great. My ex, on the other hand, was depressed about being heavy, and was always jealous of other women. One weekend when she was out of town, I met this gorgeous woman at my gym and we slept together. I never told my ex, but I did end up breaking up with her a few weeks after that incident. I’ve realized since then that I need to be with women who are on the same page as me about the things in my life that are important.”
— Brad, 41, Houston, TX 

Reason #6: There’s too much fighting
“My ex and I used to live together, and we fought all the time. The constant tension made me miserable. In contrast to my ex, there was a girl at work who was easygoing, friendly and fun. One night we were both working late and ended up getting a drink together after we left. One thing led to another, and I ended up staying over at her place. As bad as this may sound, after that happened, I felt free. It was as if I finally had the courage to just end it with my ex already. When I came home the next morning, my ex went crazy, but for the first time, it didn’t bother me, because I knew what I was going to do. I told her exactly what had happened and that I’d be moving out that week, and I did. I began seeing the girl from work, and we’ve been together for about four months now.”
— Nate, 34, Boulder, CO 

Reason #7: He needs a shot of self-esteem
“I’m really shy, and have never felt very comfortable approaching women. I once had a girlfriend who was just as shy as me. Our relationship was fine — nothing too exciting — but I was resigned to the fact that it was my best option. I went to a conference for business, and during one of the dinners, a really attractive, sexy woman at my table began hitting on me like mad. I was so shocked; nothing like that had ever happened to me before. It made my self-confidence skyrocket, and I felt on top of the world. She and I were together that night and a few other times during the conference. I never told my ex about what had happened, but I did end things with her a few months later. After the conference the other woman and I never saw each other again, but the experience gave me the confidence that I could go out and approach interesting, exciting women — I just needed that push.”
— Charlie, 33, St. Louis, MO 

Reason #8: To fulfill a fantasy
“I once cheated on my girlfriend of six months when a girl I had been pining over for quite some time came on to me. She had been with someone else for a long time, so I knew she was off-limits. I have to admit, I’d still probably do it again; it was like my fantasy finally came true. I broke up with my girlfriend and dated this girl for a while, but we didn’t last. Sometimes, the fantasy is better than the reality!”
— Mark, 44, New York, NY

A Harris study found that 46% of women and 30% of men would give up sex instead of Internet access for two weeks if forced to choose between them.

I know we all worship Internet and rush to it for almost everything, but choosing net surfing over sex is a bit too startling.

Yes, you read it right! A Harris study found that 65% of US adults feel they cannot live without Internet access, and 46% of women and 30% of men would give up sex instead of Internet access for two weeks if forced to choose between them.

The study which is study is sponsored by chip maker Intel states that 71% consider it important or very important to have Internet-enabled devices such as laptops and mobile communications, on hand almost constantly. The survey was conducted online by Harris Interactive among 2,119 adults ages 18 and older.

Ever wonder what signals you and your date are sending with your body language? Of course, we all do! And that’s why we had this q&a with Dr. Lillian Glass, a renowned body language and communications guru, and a best-selling author. The goal: Helping our readers understand the unspoken signals your dates are sending—and more. Here, the key questions she answered, packed with advice for you to put to use in your love life.

Q: Why should we care about body language? Does it really make that much of a difference on dates?

Dr. Glass: We need body language because it doesn’t lie. It tells us the truth. So many people wonder “What happened in this relationship? I like the person. I thought they liked me,” but if you really looked at it objectively and analyzed what the person was doing during your interaction, you would see signs that indicate how he or she feels or doesn’t feel about you. Body language and facial expressions, tone of voice, speech patterns, and content are essential if you want to know where you stand with another person.

Q: What are the most common signals of attraction that people miss when they’re directed at them?

Dr. Glass: One of the most common is that people tend to compliment you when they’re attracted to you. Because we often aren’t good at receiving compliments, we slough it off rather than reading between the lines.

Q: So what are some negative signs to pay attention to?

Dr. Glass: If your date isn’t into you it’s easy to tell because they’ll lean away from you. They’ll look around the room. They won’t be that interested in what you’re saying. They won’t be that focused. They will have their feet and toes pointing in a different direction than in your direction. They may fidget a lot. And their facial expressions won’t have that bright sparkle that you see when somebody is attracted to you.

Q: What is the best way to approach a first date—handshake, casual hug, kiss on the cheek?

Dr. Glass: There’s no set rule, but most often the best way to greet someone is a warm smile and a handshake, and then you can develop from there.

Q: What signals does a man give off if he is only interested in you for sex, as opposed to if he is interested in being in a relationship with you?

Dr. Glass: If a man is interested in sex, he’ll start sex talk right away. He’ll start talking about it over the phone; he’ll ask what you’re wearing, intimate questions that are inappropriate for telephone talk. If you meet him in person and he’s just interested in you sexually, he’s going to have a whole different approach. He’s going to be touchy, trying to kiss you all the time and being inappropriately intimate when he doesn’t really know you yet.

Q: I am not comfortable crossing my legs. I tend to sit with my feet flat on the ground or with one leg tucked under me. I don’t mean this as a sign of anything; it’s just how I sit. Am I unconsciously sending negative signals?

Dr. Glass: You’re sending a signal that you’re real casual when you sit on your feet. But when you have your legs firmly planted on the ground you’re actually sending a good signal that you are open, communicative and ready to respond.

Q: I’ve emailed and talked on the phone with a lot of prospective dates but haven’t met them in person. Is there a way to tell by their tone of voice if they are interested in a first date?

Dr. Glass: Absolutely. If somebody speaks with a monotone or they’re abrupt, they may not be interested. Again, it’s a situation that’s very complicated because it’s not just the tone of voice, it’s what is said. If you’re meeting men over the phone but not connecting with them in terms of a date, maybe you’re giving off some vocal signals that you may not be receptive or responsive to meeting them. Why don’t you try suggesting that you meet for coffee, rather than waiting for the man to make the first move? Take a risk and see what happens.

Q: What kind of gesture would a woman give if she really likes you?

Dr. Glass: If she likes you she’s going to look at you. She’s most likely going to gaze into your eyes. She’s going to lean forward. She may touch your hand. She’ll smile a lot. She’ll ask you a lot of questions.

Q: What does it mean when someone looks down at the ground when they are talking to you? Are they too shy to look at you because they like you, or is it a negative sign?

Dr. Glass: It depends on the situation and on the person. If they continue to look down, there may be a big problem a) with their self-esteem or b) with their not being attracted to you. Eventually they should look at you, whether they’re shy or not. If not, it’s probably somebody who can’t face other people and has self-esteem issues.

Q: Is a movie a bad choice for a first date, since you don’t get to interact with the person or get a sense of their body language?

Dr. Glass: Actually, a movie may be a very good choice because after the movie you will have something to talk about—the movie, the characters, the philosophy behind the film. It may be a very good ice breaker. So make sure if you go to a movie, you also go out afterwards so you can discuss it and spend time with the person.

Q: What does it mean when your date is leaning towards you, yet telling you he wants to break up with you? What is the body language really saying?

Dr. Glass: When a person is leaning towards you telling you they want to break up with you, they’re trying to be intimate and block everyone out. They’re trying to let you know they want your full attention.

Q: Any ideas for a really shy person who is not used to dating?

Dr. Glass: Well, first of all, let’s talk about shyness. Anyone who is shy is selfish, and by that I mean thinking about him- or herself. Stop thinking about you and think about the other person. You’re so busy thinking about putting your foot in your mouth — or not putting your foot in your mouth — that you’re not being all that you can be. Try focusing on the other person. Look at them not as a person who’s criticizing you or judging you, but as someone who wants to get to know you.

Dr. Lillian Glass, Ph.D., is a licensed therapist, voice and body-language expert, and the best-selling author of Attracting Terrific People and He Says, She Says; I Know What You’re Thinking. 

Eliminating polyester from your wardrobe may be a smart move if you’re looking to attract a mate.

That is just one of the many curious findings Mary Roach writes about in her new book, Bonk: The Curious Couple of Science and Sex, which examines the history of research on copulation.

Her previous works include Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers, on the science of death, and Spook: Science Tackles the Afterlife, a look at what happens after we die.

In a conversation with Robert Siegel, Roach describes the evolution of sex research: from studies by Alfred Kinsey and the lesser-known Robert Latou Dickenson, to the Egyptian doctor Ahmed Shafik, who dressed rats in polyester pants. Shafik’s conclusion? Rodents in leisure suits don’t get much play.

Roach says the 1920s were a surprisingly racy decade for sex research. During that era, the aforementioned Dickenson, a Brooklyn-based gynecologist, became the first to take a laboratory-based approach to examining what happens physiologically when people have sex.

“There were sex manuals at the time that were encouraging women to try being on top,” Roach says. “The 1920s were almost like the ’60s in a way — and then we swung back to a more conservative era.”

Dickenson later inspired Kinsey to conduct his famous studies of American sexual habits, she says.

Roach says that despite numerous studies on sex conducted over the years, much remains to be learned about coital mechanics.

“I’m left with a lingering sense of surprise that there are still a good number of mysteries in the realm of sexual physiology.”

by Mary Roach

Chapter 13

What Would Allah Say?

The Strange, Brave Career of Ahmed Shafik

Dr. Ahmed Shafik wears three-piece suits with gold watch fobs and a diamond stick pin in the lapel. His glasses are the thick, black rectangular style of the Nasser era. He owns a Cairo hospital and lives in a mansion with marble walls. He was nominated for a Nobel Prize. I don’t care about any of this. Shafik won my heart by publishing a paper in European Urology in which he investigated the effects of polyester on sexual activity. Ahmed Shafik dressed lab rats in polyester pants.

There were seventy-five rats. They wore their pants for one year. Shafik found that over time the ones dressed in polyester or poly-cotton blend had sex significantly less often than the rats whose slacks were cotton or wool. (Shafik thinks the reason is that polyester sets up troublesome electrostatic fields in and around the genitals. Having seen an illustration of a rat wearing the pants, I would say there’s an equal possibility that it’s simply harder to get a date when you dress funny.)

Dr. Shafik published five studies on the effects of wearing polyester, and then moved on to something else. If you print out a list of Shafik’s journal articles—and you will need a roll of butcher paper, because there are 1,016 so far—it is hard to say what his specialty is. He has wandered through urology, andrology, sexology, proctology. If you ask him what he is, what he writes under “Occupation” on his tax form, he will smile broadly and exclaim, “I am Ahmed Shafik!”

It is a full-time job. Though Shafik, now seventy-three, is retired from teaching, he continues a heavy schedule of surgery and research, the former funding the latter. (His surgical specialty, as best I can gather, is despots with colorectal issues. He says he has worked on Castro’s plumbing, though not recently, and that of the late Mobuto Sese Seko.) Self-funding affords Shafik the freedom to indulge his more esoteric interests —research projects with no obvious practical ramifications or corporate appeal. In this way he is, as his office manager Margot Yehia has pointed out, a holdover from the nineteenth century, when science was undertaken simply for the sake of understanding the world.

Excerpted from Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex by Mary Roach. Copyright 2008 by Mary Roach. Reprinted with permission of the publisher, W.W. Norton and Co. Inc.